Article #1530

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Seeing as the Ifab laws of football decree that hair-pulling is an act of violent conduct that is punishable by a straight red card, Football Daily is somewhat perplexed by the controversy surrounding the dismissal of Lisandro Martínez at Old Trafford on Monday night. Approaching the hour mark of his side’s 2-1 defeat by Leeds, the Argentinian quite clearly yanked Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s hair, sending the Leeds striker’s man-bunned up tresses cascading over his shoulders by pulling off the scrunchy that was holding them in place without so much as a formal invitation.

Should Spurs be relegated (no question mark, this isn’t The Moral Maze), it will be not only funny, not only a salutary Ozymandias moment – the €uropean $uper £eague, anyone? – but also a perfect opportunity for a club with an undoubtedly great heritage to take stock, give its long-suffering supporters a season of winning, and come back up in better shape than they have been since Mauricio Pochettino left” – Mark Dawson.