Article #55353

How you respond will depend on who expects you to manage your sister’s emotions, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Is it her, or something you’ve put on yourself?

• Read more Leading questions

I’m engaged and my sister is single and feels “behind”. Lately she mentioned how the people in her life (me included) going through milestone moments triggers her. She even got upset and admitted she was worried she’d never have kids. What can I say to that? How do you comfort someone who wants the things you have or might have soon?

She has felt behind for a long time, and I’ve had many a conversation with her when she’s got upset about still living at home, still not having the career she wants, etc. But she is still in the same situation, and my empathy is running low. Especially now I know my engagement is triggering for her! I deserve to feel happy during my wedding planning era but after she told me how she felt, I feel guilty for being happy.

I guess my question is: do I tiptoe around her and avoid wedding talk or should she just put a smile on her face and talk to her friend about her triggers? I hate to say it but my mental load is preferring the latter.

Eleanor says: Why are the options that you tiptoe around or she puts a smile on her face?